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出生在英国,但现在居住在澳大利亚,保罗·福克斯已前往中国各地的许多地方。他已经看到了轻松的一面,阴暗的一面,无论是温和的和破旧的两侧。他记录了他的经验,并愿与任何人谁愿意听分享。他说不怕事情,他究竟如何看待他们,是挺开心的“点名和羞辱”在必要的时候。
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We Come to Love Not By Finding a Perfect Person But By Learning to See an Imperfect Person Perfectly

由保罗·福克斯
6197次阅读|20个评论|2015年3月26日下午5时01分42秒

A Chinese Woman and Western Man who came to see each other perfectly. Can you do the same?

There’s been lots of talk here recently about ‘right and wrong’ when it comes to certain traditions and cultural issues. Barry has come under fire for his Day 22 part 2 blog and my Forum thread “What kind of man do you want to marry - another viewpoint’ has also received some interesting comments. Sometimes when there’s a difference in opinions, values, traditions and cultures, it’s easy for us to try and reinforce our own - but in reality there is no ‘right and wrong’ - it just ‘is’.



我一直试图理解“你好,你愿意嫁给我吗?”的态度,这似乎是这样在中国社会普遍存在,而“盛NV”的困境已经小规模地尝试和解释。然而,在现实中,用“你好,请问你是玛丽吗?”的方法和纯粹的绝望女人要和谁结婚走来,在我看来,最主要的原因,离婚在中国是如此猖獗的第一人。



当2人结婚,在他们的头脑的最后一件事是离婚。每个人都希望结婚生活,但在中国“匆匆结婚”是一样快的“匆匆离婚”。



I have been doing some research over the last couple of weeks that has allowed me to delve a little deeper into the human psyche and play around with different wants and needs depending on where peoples cultural heritage lies.

However, despite our different cultural heritage and background, I came across some very useful information that I think is worth sharing with you, simply because it relates to HUMAN feelings and needs, rather than cultural ones.

On a site like CLM that is bringing east and west together with the chance to share lives, I think it is important for both cultures to try and find some ‘middle ground’ rather than just accept one persons culture or tradition as being set-in-stone.

中国可能有5000个年的文化,但是,这并不意味着我们要接受传统的值钱的东西 - 毕竟,我们是不是中国人。相反,我们西方人不应该尝试,因为他们从中国“的方式”相差太多迫使亚洲女性的传统价值观。



There is a great American author named ‘Sam Keen’ who has written many books on the subject of “Love”, one notable title being “Love and Be Loved” - which is well worth the read if you can find it.

Incidentally, the title of this blog is actually a Sam Keen quote



因此,首先,让我们来看看,大多数男人在一个潜在的女朋友/老婆找的素质。基于Internet ........



像youself - 男人一般都吸引到妇女谁是舒服的自己。他不希望有提高你的自我,你说你觉得自己胖或丑陋的每一次,因为如果他认为你是美丽的,一个人可以感觉到疼。

要欣赏 - 如果一个女人欣赏东西的人确实为她,他会去到人间,她的目的。总是告诉他,你欣赏他做的事情,既大又小。

Be clear – men hate mind games and having to try and second guess what women want. He will see you as great girlfriend/wife material if you’re clear about what you need and the things you want to do.

Be a little Independent – although men love to feel they are needed and wanted, they often want to feel she has other interests outside the relationship. A girlfriend /wife who is too dependent on her man can quickly smother his affections.

Respect – many women don’t respect men at all - and they know it. They see them as overgrown schoolboys ruled by their smallest parts. This is grossly unfair and a man will know if you think this. A good girlfriend will take time to get to know him as an individual and show as much respect for him as she would for anyone else.

审批 - 男人都不是在他们的批准欲望独特,但是当涉及到亲密关系是你通过审批,而不是批评传达你的需要和需求是非常重要的。告诉他,他做什么好,他会想要做更多。当你批评他,你收回你的同意,让他觉得自己永远不能取悦你。

Prowess – a man wants to be the ‘king’ in his partner’s life so he’ll look for a girlfriend who helps him feel strong and capable. This applies in the bedroom as well as out. Every man wants to be told they’re a great lover and the more you compliment him the better he will become.

平等 - 尽管一个人可能要支付膳食或照顾你在开始的时候,他们也在寻找的人谁也不会拿自己的慷慨的优势。

Be open – men are attracted to women who make them feel good about themselves. For that to happen a woman needs to be open with her feelings. Body language, smiling, laughing and words of appreciation will help a man see the potential in a relationship.

是“性感” - 请记住,“性感”是一种态度而不是你的体形或衣服。在一个人响应你散发出的性能量,他经常是寻找动物的本能是一个女人谁回应他以积极的方式,因为这让他感到希望。



让你成为一个好的”薄熙来的事情yfriend/husband’ material



1.清洁 - 它的头号因为它是如此重要。如果你要满足一个女人确保你洗澡,刷牙,并使用一些除臭剂。以你的外表,你的家,甚至汽车的保养,如果她要骑在它是尊重所有标记。

2.留心 - 女人爱说话,他们希望有一个男人谁就会听他们无需滚动他们的眼睛。表达你的关心女人通过关注她,而不是只是在享受她给你的关注。

3. Good sense of humour – Make her laugh and try to help her see the lighter side of life. Not will it only make you feel good about yourself, but she’ll see you as someone who could be a real friend as well as a partner.

4,要特别小心 - 你并不需要穿你的心脏在你的袖子所有的时间,但你让她看到你有一个感性的一面,即使你从来没有让任何人看到它是非常重要的。

5.诚实 - 有很多人在那里谁认为他们是“花花公子”。女性通常寻找一个他们可以信任的。诚信可以像置身于时间,做你说你要做的事情,并告诉她你的感受真情小的方式来证明。

6.要尊重 - 这不要紧,他们是谁,也没有他们来自哪里,所有女性都希望得到尊重。这意味着关心她的感受,支持她,而不是她搞乱有关。

7. Integrity – women respect men who have values, beliefs, principals and who will stand up for what they believe in. Men are often physically stronger but even if they aren’t, women want to know a man will stand up for her, protect her and be on her side when she needs it.

8.要周到 - 做这些小事情,而不问,像送她的消息只是为了让她知道你对她还是记住的是,在她的生活是怎么回事什么重要思想 - 即使它不涉及您。提供帮助时,你可以,但不要总是以为她有一个问题 - 有时,她可能只是想你听。

9.欲望 - 没有女人愿意跟一个男人谁没有找到她的吸引力。不过,她可能很快就会失去兴趣,如果你的愿望是在卧室才会显示。她需要觉得这是她的,你的愿望,而不仅仅是她的身体。通过亲情,赞美显示此不承担任何........告诉她!

10.能够提交 - 大多数女性(尤其是中国)希望有人谁表明,他们必须承诺的能力。作出安排,并坚持给他们。是的前期你对她的感情。一致性,在你的工作,友谊和家庭状况的稳定性都去给她看,你是一个她可以依靠的。



A relationship is not a romance movie.

At certain times in our lives, we may be stuck with the belief that love is like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films - such as ‘Titanic’ for instance.

出于某种原因,我总觉得,很多中国女性(尤其是中国),坚信某种童话般的关系确实存在。

They seem to believe that if they had a relationship with the ‘perfect prince’, then all would be well in their life.

事实上,一位王子(公主)也是人类,they have faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he or she is.

It’s important to let go of the crazy notion that we need romantic love in order to find true happiness, and it maybe disappointing to realise that the ‘knight in shining armour rushing to save the damsel in distress’ is nothing more than a fallacy, but sorry girls, it is..

不可用燃料浪漫表达。

It’s the kind of romantic story that can only work when there is an absence of the lover. They usually have to die in the end so their love can fit into this romantic view, or we sit eating loads of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after - and we never do.

这浪漫的爱情幻想,无非是真实的,真正亲密的替代品。

那么怎样才能使可行和关系?

让我们用我们的感受的理解开始是纯粹的爱情,然后尝试更新的浪漫童话成一个更健康的一种爱。188bet官网

1.使用过去的关系,以了解如何更爱自己。

It’s not about having another person ‘complete you’ and by letting go of the romantic notion of becoming ‘one’ you’ll learn that the ‘distances’ often felt in a relationship are just as important as closeness.

2.请参阅你的谁,他们真的是合作伙伴。

当你看到你认为你的人都爱上因为他们已经走在你的心中代表什么象征浪漫的悲剧发生。就在他们的想法中。当你开始意识到你真的不知道你的伴侣,你开始发现他们是谁,以及他们如何改变和发展的关系,内外。

3. Learn from each other.

See your partner as a mirror and learn from the reflection. How can you be a better person. When you feel upset, instead of blaming your partner and pointing the finger, try to stay awake and see what needs to be healed in yourself.

4. Spend a little time with yourself.

Love can’t rescue you from being alone. Learn to spend time just being with yourself.

很少,如果有的话可以夫妻一起24/7,甚至如果有可能,这不是你们的关系的健康。

5.在参数仔细看看。

夫妻经常创建参数,这样他们就可以ke up over and over again. It allows them to continue the romantic trance, thus creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you know why you fear intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and will probably argue far less.

6. Be who you are..

People try to grasp at romantic love because they yearn for something that is out of reach - something they perhaps see in another person that they think they do not possess themselves. Unfortunately, when we finally find love, we find also that we didn’t get what we were looking for. This is because true love can only exist when you love yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.

7.准备拥抱普通

After the fairy-dust has settled, we discover ‘ordinary’. We often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ‘ordinary’ can become the real spark of intimacy. The day-to-day happiness of living life with your partner can, and does, take ‘ordinary’ into extraordinary.

8.打开你的心脏。

有一两件事,使我们大家团结是我们所有长快乐。这种幸福通常包括接近某人在一个充满爱的方式的愿望。为了创造真正的亲密关系,请与你的心脏的大小,触摸,带来的认识到在你里面好一切。

It’s much easier to see the good in your partner when you can see the good in yourself.

9. Give your love.

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves simply because other people may love us - it’s about how well we love ourselves and others. Often the outcome of loving others deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

10.忘记您的期望。

Looking at things such as fairy-tale romance and constant togetherness in order to fill a void in your life will immediately cause suffering. If you avoid giving love to yourself, you will put your sense of insecurity in someone else.

Use your own inner self to offer love and attention to yourself when you need it. Then you can allow love to come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like in your own mind

这些仅仅是探索真正的亲密关系的几种方式。


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#2015年3月26日十七点17分15秒通过JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

This is really quite and incredible post Paul, and it could easily be the one essential guide for all members to discover the art not of finding their perfect match, but instead of recognizing him or her when she/he is knocking on their door. On top of that it is well laced with the things to do to help their new found love to recognise them as his or her perfect match as well.

It should be required reading for anyone on a cross cultural dating site with hopes of finding true love.

Well done Paul, really well done.

#2015-03-27 10:23:53 bymelcyan @melcyan

保罗,以及与互联网搜索进行。

The words that you have gathered from your internet searches and included in your blog make for very informative and educational reading. However, they somehow don't quite gel with your previous writings.

Are we witnessing the metamorphosis of a "new Paul"?

I am looking forward to the comments generated by your blog.

#2015-03-27 22:24:54 bysandy339 @sandy339

@melcyan
hehe I think Paul now is a changed man by Red (The Shawshank Redemption):)(giggle)

#2015-03-28 09:48:37 byMacchap @Macchap

@melcyan:听到听见。
Paul is on a roll. Seeing Paul's blogs lately, Paul's in a certain state of mind.
I appreciate the time you take to share your thoughts with us.
我不知道会的中国成员阅读这还是仅仅是阅读这些条目(和响应)“白”的人选择的一组?
在我的网站上很短的时间我已经注意到了 - 因为保罗在他的帖子提到 - 两件事情:
- the high rate of divorcees (all ages)
- 女人如何写/去想爱情。这是缺乏现实之感,简直像小孩子一样。你通过玫瑰色眼镜,女孩看着它。在另一方面,它也可以被称为诗歌。

#2015-03-28 13:54:26 bypaulfox1 @ paulfox1

@melcyan
Thanks for your comments.
This blog was meant to be in a completely different style to my usual one for reasons that should be obvious if you look at the content of the blog.

甚至不是一个“混蛋”像我这样是“混蛋”所有的时间笑
没有,我的朋友,你是不是看到一个变态 - 只是一个不同的写作风格对不同类型的博客188bet官方网址

#2015-03-29 16:33:02 bymelcyan @melcyan

@Macchap

I often use the internet to research topics that interest me. I also like doing a copy and paste of interesting comments made on blogs I that I read on this site and other non-dating sites so that I can do a search on the sources for those comments. There is free software on the internet for teachers to use to identify the sources of student work that anyone can use.

I wonder why others don't research information on topics that interest them for themselves. Many men would be reading the information contained in Paul's blog for the first time. It should not be that way. If you are serious about finding a life partner why wouldn't you do this research yourself.

I would love to know how this information is presented on Chinese web sites (@sandy339 can you help? - it would be a great blog for me to read)

如果您想了解女性如何写中国,想想爱的话,我强烈建议你补充你用自己的研究读到的东西在这里。多年来最重要的教训,我已经了解了妇女和最近的中国女性已经主要是关于我的。

之前,你可以知道,爱别人,你需要知道的和爱自己。大多数男人苦苦寻找人生伴侣根本就不懂什么是最后一句手段。

I just googled that sentence. The second entry that google generated was this -

http://elitedai​​ly.com/dating/sex/why-you-must-first-love-yourself-before-you-can-love-another/

对于那些谁在这里使用互联网的斗争,是该网站的文本的副本。

事实是,你必须先爱自己,然后才能爱别人
- by Ricardo Martinez.

他或她是你见过的最精彩的人。一切似乎完美,几乎好得是真实的。
You are truly happy; your glow is visible from miles away. All of your friends love this new person in your life, aside from one or two skeptics. Regardless, you try to convince yourself that the naysayers are wrong.
时间的推移和关系已经开始平稳,甚至下跌。随着时间的推移,那些持怀疑态度的朋友们的想法开始更加深刻的共鸣。尽管如此,在一些你哭让你坚持,不放弃,只是还没有。
先爱你自己
Healthy relationships occur between two people who are comfortable with themselves, in addition to one another. Love only develops after making your own happiness a top priority.
我们大多数人都非常害怕接受我们的缺点,我们也常常会爱上,而在错误的原因的关系。
Whether it is to battle loneliness, settle down to appeal to comfort or to ease away pain, happiness means much more when it’s obtained as a result of working toward becoming the person you want to be.
自我成长是相当性感;它会导致彻底的自我意识和健康,在显著的其他需求的更现实的愿望。是自私的;专注于你。
Over the years, people change. Be the one who progresses, not the one who regresses. Learn what makes you strive for greatness, what makes you angry, what makes you tick, what makes you live for more — your goals, passions, disappointments.
Get out of your comfort zone, empower your thoughts, explore your dreams, succeed continuously, fail until you hit rock bottom. Once you have achieved this mindfulness, your union with another individual will more likely flourish rather than set you back.
Time is the only game no human will ever master; we cope with this by pressing forward, no matter the circumstances that arise.
How many times have you gotten mad at yourself for missing opportunities, chances, people or for being stuck in the past and allowing it to compromise your future?
活一点,更加了解自己,并开始微笑;获得你想成为谁更深入的了解和爱的人。幸福需要是你最大的项目,只需要一组手的,你自己的。

长跑
We often focus too much on the now and too little on the future. The present should feel right; it should be enjoyed in the moment. It should not be lived for the purpose of filling a void.
This void does nothing but provide temporary peace of mind to satisfy emotional needs born out of exerting effort.
Once that hollow space appears, a replacement will find its way in. Create the opportunity to control what makes you happy. Managing your personal contentment and prosperity should be a lifestyle choice.
Tailor your dreams and hang on to the one that makes you, you.
变化只能来自内部;否则,也不会是永久的。我们应该集中讨论推动我们,使我们力争觉得很幸福变化。如果你在你不断地想你的显著对方要变的位置发现自己,很可能就是为了减少损失。
Often, we try to mend other’s scars by taking their lashes while succumbing to a fantasy in which love can heal all pain. Focus on recovering from your wounds before trying to patch up someone else’s.
没有人是完美的,但不可否认的现实和妥协,只是暂时感觉良好之间的细线。开始生活无怨无悔,只是一般的现场经验教训。

深挖
最近,我意识到你吸引你的是什么。你知道那种感觉就会有人时,你即刻拥有化学吗?那一瞬间,磁性连接这就是喧宾夺主,难以忽视的?在一个刺激你的所有感官,但不能解释呢?
如果你真棒,你会吸引迷死人。如果你是一个烂摊子,你会吸引一个烂摊子。你的问题的工作,成为自我意识有关,你有改进的余地。
There is nothing more gratifying than adjusting the side-view mirror on your life to look back and see how much you’ve grown.
Strive to be in a relationship in which both parties have discovered themselves independently. Trying to find this clarity from someone else will lead to a downward spiral of inconsistent contentment.
Dig deep within to demonstrate your worth. It is perfectly okay to be single and to love yourself.
The status of “in a relationship” should not reflect a dependency on someone else, but rather, the power of togetherness. Be careful and be picky with whomever has the honor to hold your heart. Make your destiny a destination of choice, not chance.
专注于获取将在长远来看有利于你的经验。毕竟,快乐是心灵的个人状态是在你的身上。你持有的关键,这就是生活的锁。爱当心,不允许访问任何不配个人。

#2015-03-29 17:43:50 bybelle777 @belle777

嗨保罗,感谢您的新文章,你是一个非常聪明的家伙,祝你好运
I also can't understand this special greeting like Will you marry me? and I guess it is not a popular saying in China, also Sheng Nv is not a serious problem in cities, and they don't have to marry the first man they meet, I noticed many women here are actually divorced with kids, divorced women are not Sheng Nv, I see many Sheng Nv live a happy and easy life in Shenzhen, and yet they didn't lose the hope to find their other half, so to choose to be Sheng Nv or not, depends on how women see things, either they insist on finding the one they love and they may take the risk to be alone for many many years, or they just want to marry quickly, so to get rid of the Sheng Nv title

#2015-03-30 17:42:41 by anonymous13211@ anonymous13211

@ paulfox1

就个人而言,我觉得这是你writen到目前为止你有清晰的思路,充分的信息化,智能化的建议或从深心脏单词游戏忠实地提醒,为readers.If有价值的和有用的,你写这篇文章不是只是最好的文章像吸引了更多的目光还是观众身边,我相信你会越来越接近你的最终目的是在这里...

这是我第一次当看了你的文章感到愉快和舒适,hehe.I希望你能保持这个打算。笔者能感觉到你尊重自己和他人的well.When我得到了一段时间,我会尝试搜索你所提到的这本书,我想这应该是本好书关系development.Yes,阅读和体验能够拓宽我们的视力,让我们更多地了解我们,他人,世界的新事物,这些差异?

我相信“吸引力法则”(秘密),我们经常吸引同类型的人四周,us.When我们周围感觉别人是不好的,这也告诉我们,我们都不够好too.Then它是非常有必要回顾一下自己,自我反思,学习并加以改进与us.When它是空的里面,我们不能轻易地保持和成功完成和实现关系了。让我们做一下ourselves.When多个内部工作我们正在越来越好,更好的人会miracly展现在我们的生活和周围所有的人或相关关系都会更好发生相应的变化。

#2015-03-31 06:32:36 bypaulfox1 @ paulfox1

@belle777

“你好,你愿意嫁给我”是一个短语,我为了突出什么,在我看来,似乎是很多中国女性谁生活在幻想的土地的疯狂的想法,并会很乐意嫁给任何可以发明都是由我自己呼吸,以“结束自己的单身生活”
还有即将到来,这将解释这个进一步188bet官方网址的另一个博客,但在此期间检查出我的“绝望的离婚女人”的博客,因为这将更多解释

#2015-03-31 15:43:40 bybelle777 @belle777

@ paulfox1
Your idea of some Chinese women who just want to marry whatever men is not true, they are certainly very selective, otherwise they won't be single, you should know China have much more male population than female.
For a women who just wants to marry a Westerner, not selective at all, I think a smart guy would know what her real purpose is.
As I can see on this forum, there are so many good women here, and most of the ladies here are serious looking for life partner, and they are very selective and careful.
If your presumption of desperate women are from your own experiences, then I think maybe you should step back and think about one thing: why you always met such kind of ladies?
But if you are only interested in doing some research on desperate women, then please disregard my above comments, and I am looking forward to your new articles.

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