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彼得在中国生活了近一个半十年,其中包括两个作为和平队志愿者,而且是苏格拉底的四川作者:中国学生寻求真理,正义和(中国)的方式。这是他的博客,以促进排序所必需的长期合作关系跨文化理解188bet官方网址的意图。
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信仰的飞跃

By Peter V
3467次阅读|5个评论|2018年4月13日上午10点十分54秒

我的朋友韦恩(化名)是一名医生,在一个大的大学医院。两次离婚,但以往的乐天派,他目前在搜索的女人花他的剩余年的。最近,一个女研究员从中国参观了他的大学。他有兴趣,不仅在学术意义上,我从一对夫妇,我从他那里得到查询我对中国文化的事宜电子邮件的推断。不是从他听到了一阵后,我决定去检查事情是怎么回事,并取得了以下回应:

“我们有3个晚餐日期,甚至从来没有188bet官网亲吻,但她给我发了一封信基本上求婚和家人。她说我的人,她想成为的那种,她想建立一个家庭,并住在美国。在我们第二次约会,她说188bet官网,她的母亲施压,她结婚并有了孩子。聪明的女人,在这里作为一个大学访问学者,大师们在数学和最近在某种类型的涉及计算机科学应用数学的博士学位辩护,显然是在中国最高的学校(抱歉,不记得名字了)。很不错的人,简单,良好的价值观,有吸引力。我说,我至少需要一年甚至一起才考虑结婚“。

In the end, she had to make a decision whether to extend her stay at the university, and a promise of “we’ll see how things go” was unsurprisingly not enough to induce her to do the paperwork, nor was she about to rearrange her life for a possibility. She left, and that was that.

我们在这里是世界观的冲突,被绑定在某个时候,当你有一个跨文化的关系发生的类型。您对韦恩的情况反应将取决于你一直在ChinaLoveMatch.net和你遵循了博客的程度有多长变化毫无疑问的。188bet官方网址Long time members/faithful blog readers will be rather blasé about the incident, having encountered some variation on this theme during their encounters and interactions with Chinese women on CLM, while newbies are more likely to share my buddy’s incredulity that someone would propose a life together on such short notice.

我不会去辩解或在此批评任何一方事情,每个是正确的,从他们的文化是为好。但是这个问题超出了这个单一事件,并正确分析可以提供一些更大的洞察文化,可能是为那些冒险进入这片领土的跨文化约会的帮助。

Cultural anthropologists distinguish between an “internal” and “external” locus of control. For the internal locus of control perspective, there are few circumstances that have to be accepted as they are, that cannot be changed. Indeed, there are no limits on what I can do or become, so long as I set my mind to it. Life is what I。相比之下,控制视点的外部轨迹看到生活的某些方面规定,建成的事物的本质。有限制之外,我们不能去,不能改变,必须接受一定的已知条件。生活在很大程度上是什么恰巧我。中国文化被列为有控制的外部轨迹,而美国人控制的轨迹被认为是内部的。要获得利害攸关的是什么感觉,请考虑以下问题:以下哪两种说法,你最认同的?

A.会发生什么事对我来说是我自己做的。

B.有时候我觉得我没有在我的生活中走的是方向控制。

美国人89%与语句中的同意,而只有35中国百分之做。

我遇到了我在中国的语言学习早期外控的一个相当有趣的例子。“我失去了我的钱包”这句话在中国翻译为“钱包丢失”(我的钱包丢了)。这不仅仅是一个语言差异。在英语中短语明确指出,代理负责丢失了钱包,而在输球的钱包相当于中国的责任更加模糊。事实上,一个几乎是带领相信钱包了自己丢失。或者,也许这是命运的安排。在任何情况下,失去了钱包责任在中国的短语是绝对稀释。事实上,我怀疑这是为什么在我看来,中国得到更不高兴失去像手机一样的东西。

这个术语适用于刚刚描述的,我的朋友韦恩明显控制的外部轨迹中运行,想要成为谁主动选择自己的人生伴侣的一个情况。相比之下,到访的中国学者认为在很大程度上是由外部环境塑造的决定。不仅是她父母的愿望打在她的决策过程中的作用。我的猜测是,她是靠缘分(缘分),这已经在这种情况下把这个美国医生在她的道路也是如此。

控制的内部和外部轨迹之间的区别是在跨文化关系非常重要,因为大多数的人读这会从控制的角度的内部基因座到来,将有很多我的朋友韦恩的本能。你会想你们的关系命运的主人,由已经来定义你的概念关系的规则行事:即关系谁具有相同利益的个人之间的发展,喜欢和欲望;这需要两个人去了解其他随着时间的推移进行测试,甚至一起住:那当你确信你有一个坚实,稳定的关系,然后才把是时候喜结良缘。在这种方法的合理性不能否认。事实上,模仿在许多方面的假设,实验,验证/反驳的科学方法。它是模型交友网站如eHarmony的时候,当它们匹配的人在一起,并预测兼容性依赖。

However, in your intercultural relationship you will to a large degree be operating by external locus of control rules. Not only will the women you are dating be immersed in this perspective. But the choices that are available to you will be shaped by this perspective as well. You will not have the luxury of multiple dates over months or years to make a decision about a life mate. Instead you will communicate by email or chat for a while, have a visit, and then have to make a decision. At least this is one common scenario the CLM members will encounter. This will run counter to your cultural instincts, which will be the same as my friend Wayne. And this may look odd and even irrational by external locus of control dating protocol. But if you are going to succeed these are the rules you are going to have to play by.

文化人类学家经常调用图像的冰山来形容文化,使该点与冰山的大部分文化的组成部分皆下品什么可以明显地遇到。控制点是深藏在表面之下的文化这些方面之一。因此,尽管对于上述最表面的问题像用筷子,而不是刀叉过渡可以相对容易地制造,是涉及表面以下元素,如变速控制的轨迹,通常需要更大量的努力。You don’t have to get a PhD in cultural anthropology, but you should understand a little about what makes culture tick as well as know the fundamental components of the culture (in this case, China) you are attempting to transition yourself into by means of your intercultural relationship.

But in the end, more will be required than understanding the culture in order to be successful in your intercultural relationship (although the probability of a successful relationship will definitely be enhanced by your knowledge and understanding of the other culture). Beyond the process of understanding and getting to know a culture, which can all be carried out rationally, the acceptance of external locus of control perspective will require something the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard called the “leap of faith”--a move beyond what can be rationally justified, a jump into the great unknown.

没有人可以强迫你做出这一举动,并在年底可能不适合你可以(不是因为韦恩)。我可以说的是,这是什么,我需要做的,我没有回头,也没有后悔。

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# 2018-04-1308:40:50 byJohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

彼得,正如经常,你真的击中头部钉在这里,我希望大家会花时间和作出的努力,充分掌握你说的话。我认真想过尝试将它缩小到它可能最简单的形式,但意识到,只会导致读者阅读我的大大简化了(也可能是错误的)摘要,误以为他们了解你正在处理的整体文化问题。

而这将是一个巨大的错误,因为这是他们必须认识到并明白,如果他们真正希望建立一个持久的关系的问题,这同样适用于男性和女性都。双方都需要了解这些文化差异,并准备以适应他们。188bet官网我敦促所有成员阅读,理解并从这个博客学习。188bet官方网址

And, as an aside, I might add that another change is taking place that demands that we start to change the way we address these types of issues here on CLM and ALM. We are starting to notice that the lines are just beginning to blur a little as to who is interested in who on our sites. It has always been assumed, and so expressed on the blogs and forum, that we are here to assist and educate Western men and Chinese/Asian women as to their cultural differences. But now we are starting to see more and more Chinese and Asian men joining in search of Western women, and less frequently, but still growing in numbers, Western women seeking Chinese or Asian men.

我们还没有达到的地步,但我相信在一年左右的时间内,我们需要停止谈论西方男人和中国/亚洲妇女开始谈论西方人民和中国/亚洲人民,因为约会西方的妇女人数在这些网站中国或亚洲的男人会变得更加明显,5年之内,我怀疑他们会成为等于西方男人约会中国或亚洲女性的数量。

与往常一样,有时,他们正在改变。

# 2018-04-1312:04:28 bymelcyan @melcyan

彼得,great blog! Ten years ago my knowledge of Chinese culture was much poorer than it is now. I understand Wayne’s response but I can’t help feeling sorry for him. He may have missed out on a woman who was perfect for him because he lacked an understanding of Chinese culture. He also probably never had the opportunity to analyse and learn about the shortcomings of his own culture.

她付给他高的赞誉,但他不知道下一步怎么办。他只能回答他在过去的回答方式。

#2018-04-15 22:07:26 bypaulfox1 @ paulfox1

彼得,

Good stuff, as usual,

我还记得,几年前,“会议”在任CLM或CLL一个中国女人。金宝博官网我们聊了几个月后,突然我们去“安静”,因为我不记得的原因。

I'd 'met' another lady, and we went to Thailand together. Things didn't work-out, but I was foolish enough to document it in my blogs on CLM. The 'other' lady read my blogs and decided to look elsewhere.

当我们终于见面吃饭,在南京,她嫁给了来自荷兰的家伙。

我惊呆了,在许多层面上......

首先,她是我曾经打下的眼睛上最美丽的人......

She was sharp, witty, stunningly beautiful, and fun to be with. She had more 'sex-appeal' than a 2018 Mustang Convertible with leather seats......

她是“一切” .............

Yet, to her, 'marriage' was most important.

It's been 4 years now, and she's not seen her 'husband' since her wedding day.

What does THAT tell you ????? Did I miss out on an 'opportunity', or, like your friend, did I have a lucky escape ?

#2018-04-16 11:18:21 bysandy339 @ sandy339

 A logical, rigorous and rational narration with interesting and convincing examples, lol. GREAT! But there is no any personal touch or love in this story by itself. Maybe they should hold more lightened attitude to this intercultural relationship, a friendly advice to them: keep in touch to see weather there still is chance for themselves. Thanks for sharing this story (although there is nothing new and there is nothing more under the iceberg to me, lol.) :D

#2018-04-17 00:35:28 by anonymous17046@ anonymous17046

保罗,我个人认为,你躲开了这个女人子弹。为什么她结婚了,还没有见过她的丈夫在四年内又是走出去与请你吃饭?好像她的婚姻是唯一的名字婚姻。这似乎是他不关心是相隔四年任。如果她是这样一个了不起的女人,他为什么不跟她?

“走出去安静”方式,无论她对你失去了兴趣,或者你在她失去了兴趣,我有这种情况发生过几次我在这里。在其中一个案件,她6个月的沉默想开始重新与我之后再与我联系,我问她为什么,她沉默了我,她的答复是,她遇到了别人谁,她很感兴趣并想集中全部养精蓄锐的他。我告诉她,我会是一个朋友只是因为我不是任何人的回退计划(第二选择)。还没有从她从那以后听到笑。

@ sandy339:有一些新的一切学习....

@johnabbott,我不跟你在你说西方女人/中国男人的数量一致。从一切我读过或听说过大多数(不是全部)西方女性不吸引,也不喜欢中国人,除非它们是极其丰富的。然而,我认为,中国的男人们自己卷入了相当的咸菜,在过去10 - 15年左右的时间,所有的女性在过去的治疗开始回来,踢他们的屁股,业力是相当的混蛋!中国女性现在有机会轻松满足西方男人和大部分都非常吸引西方男子。

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